


for science

by verity



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Computer Programming, Gen, Implied Sheith, Laboratories, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 00:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16336016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verity/pseuds/verity
Summary: Pidge is a fully funded post-doc, 100% effort on their two-year DARPA grant. She's fucking adult who can use Microsoft Excel, and she can't be the only one who can in this lab."Get Keith to do it," Lance says through a mouth of pasta."No," Keith says."Keith has no idea what the rest of us are doing," Pidge says."He can use Excel!" Hunk says. "I saw him open it once!""Yes," Keith says scathingly. "I'm not ananimal."Pidge sighs. "Do you want me to ask Shiro to do it?"Silence settles over the lab. Silence, except for the coffee maker, cheerily percolating and oblivious."Yeah, okay, no," Hunk says. "I'll do the report."





	for science

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1001cranes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1001cranes/gifts).



> For 1001cranes, who absolutely did not ask for this yet wholeheartedly deserves it, with thanks to narceus for audiencing the chatfic that begat the fic.
> 
> If you got here by searching for the _International Journal of Approximate Reasoning_ , I am so sorry, please leave immediately.

Pidge is not the only person in this lab who can use Excel.

"But I'm afraid of it," Hunk says as she stalks him in circles around the lab. "You know I'm afraid, Pidge. I'm just gonna—you can do this with [pandas](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandas_\(software\)), can't you? They can just take a CSV, _right_?"

"It's a quarterly report," Pidge says. "They want it as an Excel file."

"Lance," Hunk says. "Lance. My man. My guy."

Lance is shoveling spaghettios into his mouth. He shrugs, as if to say, _I don't care if DARPA revokes our Explainable AI funding and I don't get paid half my stipend for the next seventeen months_. He already lives off canned food and ramen, which, among other reasons, is why Pidge isn't letting him put his filthy grad student hands on her quarterly report.

Pidge is a fully funded post-doc, 100% effort on their two-year DARPA grant. She has a CSA share. She's fucking adult who can use Microsoft Excel, and she can't be the only one who can in this lab.

"Get Keith to do it," Lance says through a mouth of pasta.

"No," Keith says.

"Keith has no idea what the rest of us are doing," Pidge says.

"He can use Excel!" Hunk says. "I saw him open it once!"

"Yes," Keith says scathingly. "I'm not an _animal_."

Pidge sighs. "Do you want me to ask Shiro to do it?"

Silence settles over the lab. Silence, except for the coffee maker, cheerily percolating and oblivious.

"Yeah, okay, no," Hunk says. "I'll do the report."

* * *

Shiro's not a terrible PI, not really, except for the fact that he was a baby genius who got through undergrad in a sneeze and already has tenure. Therefore, no motivation to prove himself, just… inspire them through leadership, or something.

That's what Pidge tells herself, anyway. Nothing else explains what happened six months ago on the day they all came into the lab at the shockingly early hour of 10AM and Shiro said, beaming, "I'm going to write a new implementation of VOLTRON."

"Oh," Pidge said, clapping her hand over her mouth. Her doctoral work was on programming languages, and she'd only just started at the lab. Already? She couldn't believe—

"I know the rest of you already have projects—I'm working on it myself," Shiro said. "Keith can help with code review. I'm going to call it ATLAS."

Overnight, Shiro... disappeared. 

Pidge would wonder if he was alive, except she sees the frequent pull requests on Github sent at all hours of the night. Is he sleeping? Keith has dark half-moons under his eyes. When she asks him about it, Keith hisses at her, then looks apologetic. "I don't know what's going on," he says, hand shaking as he pours another cup of coffee into his mug. "He's never acted like this before."

For a moment, Pidge thinks Keith is going to cry. "There, there," she says, helpless. She's as afraid of crying people as Hunk is afraid of Excel. "Maybe he's been replaced by a clone."

Keith glares at her. 

"Okay, okay, not comforting," she says, backpedaling. "I'm sure he's fine. Everything is fine."

"You are a super bad liar, Pidge," Lance calls over from his desk. "Like. Not convincing at all."

Keith turns his glance toward Lance. Pidge snatches the coffee pot away before Keith can drain his mug and refill it.

* * *

"We need to hire a lab manager," Pidge says when she catches Shiro in his office dissecting an Italian sub to remove the offending ingredients. She has five minutes, maybe, and she intends to make the most of them. "Also, someone to work with you and Keith? We have the funding." Unfortunately, she has the data to prove it.

Shiro plucks an olive off his sandwich thoughtfully. "That's not a bad idea. I know I've been busy—I'm sure you could use more support."

Pidge clears her throat. "I'm going to file a Title IX complaint if the guys keep asking me to handle our financial reporting."

Shiro says, "I see."

* * *

A week later, Pidge wakes up to find an email in her inbox. _Please extended Allura Altea and Coran Smythe a warm welcome,_ Shiro says. _They recently finished out their grant with Mitch Iverson's lab and will be joining us next Monday as our new research scientist (Allura) and lab manager (Coran)._ Geez, Iverson is a hardass; he was Shiro and Keith's advisor. This lab is going to be a rude awakening for them.

Or a nice one, maybe. Pidge shouldn't be so judgmental.

* * *

She rethinks her attitude by lunch.

"Keith is such an asshole," Lance says in between bites of tuna salad. "Like, does he think no one else uses the microwave? Does he have to call me out in Slack like this?"

Hunk daintily sips from his bottle of organic lemonade or whatever that is. "I know, dude. I mean… there are four of us."

"He could at least do it without @channel," Pidge says. "Some of us are trying to get work done."

Lance rolls his eyes. "I don't know why Shiro is hitting that."

Pidge almost chokes on her Mountain Dew. " _What?_ "

"Don't be a dick," Hunk says, elbowing Lance. "You don't know that. They're just—close."

"It's not _sexual_ to do mutual code reviews, what the fuck, Lance," Pidge says.

Hunk and Lance exchange glances. 

"I mean, you've noticed that Keith is always pushing to branch at like 3AM, right?" Hunk says. "They work together. I think he's at Shiro's apartment a lot."

Pidge makes a face. Keith's a post-doc, too; aren't they supposed to have _boundaries_ by now?

* * *

"Wow," Allura says, looking at ATLAS's repos. "It's been a long time since I've worked in C++." 

Then she submits 10 PRs over the next three days and demolishes half of what Keith and Shiro have been working on in the middle of the night for the last two months. It's kind of hot.

Coran takes their myriad overdue travel and quarterly reports as well the accompanying receipts and Excel files in stride. "Why yes, I love a good challenge," he says, and immediately does something nightmarish with pivot tables and VLOOKUP. They have to keep him forever; Shiro should give him a raise, right now.

Speaking of Shiro: a few weeks later, he _shows up in the lab_ at a _normal time_ (2PM). Under the institutional fluorescent lighting, Pidge could swear she sees some grey hairs. "Hey, I'm sorry I've been such a space cadet," Shiro says. "Keith pointed out to me that I can't do this all myself. That's no way to create software, and it's not a good way to run a lab, either."

"Wow, you _have_ been replaced by a clone," Lance says appreciatively as Keith glares. "We'll keep you, Clone Shiro."

"I need your help," Shiro says. "We've got a lot to do, but if we all work together—I think we can get some proposals together for NIPS. At least get some of you into a poster session."

Hunk sighs happily. Allura beams. Coran twirls his mustache.

"Awesome," says Pidge.

Finally, she can get back to ignoring everyone. The submission form for the _International Journal of Approximate Reasoning_ isn't going to fill out itself.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [ladyofthelog](http://ladyofthelog.tumblr.com) on tumblr and now I have a Voltron problem.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Rules Are Made for Breaking (the HR nightmare remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19188595) by [Lys ap Adin (lysapadin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lysapadin/pseuds/Lys%20ap%20Adin)




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